And now I will take a moment to check in.

Things are highly alarming these days. It's times like these that I turn to my blog and other online outlets and wish I had the resolve to not be like this.

I've applied for a total of one job in my Great Job Hunt, although I at least, smartly, finally put my student loans in forebearance. There's a definite clock on when I have to start being an actual responsible adult.

The good news is that for now, I do have a volunteer position. For a few hours while I'm there, I'm even getting paid a small amount of money, but for only about 8 hours a of the normal 3 days a week I put in. But I'm at least getting experience. Matrimonial and family law, some immigration law as well, but nothing you want to hear about. I think.

The rest of my stress has come directly from the fact that the wedding is fast approaching. I have just about 6 weeks. We settled tux rentals, bridesmaid dresses, guest hotel accommodations, most of the invitations. Still working on wedding favors. Still have not done at all: settled on a place for the rehearsal dinner, a place for me and Marc to stay for the wedding night, groomsmen and bridesmaid gifts, wedding flowers, wedding jewelry, hemming my dress. And I'm doing this all on my own, no maid of honor (or man of honor) or bridesmaids helping with details, planning a shower, all that. Do people even plan their own showers? Fucking hell.

Oh, and the thing that's been killing me since I confirmed this two days ago: I don't fit into the goddamn dress. I need to basically lose a hojillion pounds between now and June second, and I don't really see how this is feasible. I am trying to see how I'm going to diet and exercise my way to fitting in the dress, but I really don't see how I'm going to lose inches around my torso in just 6 weeks. Not without lipo or compromising my internal organs, anyway.

On that front, I settled on a grand diet and exercise regimen. I've been doing strength training for a few days. My glutes have known no worse pain. Last night, I added in push ups and, today, I went on a jog. I also kept to only 700 calories today, 1,000 yesterday, and 820 the day before. You might gape, but I haven't really been starving though. I can chalk that up to one of two reasons though: I'm too stressed, or my stomach's shrunk. Maybe a little from column A and a little from column B. I do actually think that it must be stress, because I've been watching cooking shows and some absolutely fantastic looking dishes have not made me crazy with hunger. I don't feel necessarily like someone on a diet. I feel like there's no way I can fit into that dress in 6 weeks.

But then, that does sound crazy.

Anyway, that's my list of shit I'm doing. I think that's more or less it for the week.

Oh, and there's taxes due Tuesday. Bollocks.

Bloggy blog blog.

If you counted how many times I've said I was "resurrecting" a blog (across the many I've had), you'd probably start thinking that I was a cult leader. I mean, without context, that is.

To be fair, I've been busy since my last post. I:

• took the bar (NY and NJ)
• had a horrible time at both, but considerably worse at NJ
• got engaged!
• traveled to Asia for 5 weeks

And now I'm kind of half assedly dealing with my father's estate, thinking about getting a job, and playing World of Warcraft. I've said it before, but it just seems so apt. I am a first world bum. 

And in case you missed it, I got engaged. Marc proposed the day after the bar. So, quite possibly: wedding posts incoming. You've been warned, nonexistent readers!

Things I did today instead of go over New York civil practice. [video]

Britain's Got Talent won't let me embed this kid's audition video, so click here if you're curious. I think he's most adorable in the audition. The rest of these (or rather, the next two videos) that I could embed are lower quality than the ones you would get from the BGT account, sorry to say.

This (above) is a cover of the song below.

And this is what I did yesterday.

 PvZ action starts around :49.

Wherein I infantilize a 29 year old man and nag him like the terrible girlfriend I am.

I am so frustrated with Marc. He doesn't understand why.

Meandering thoughts on weight, body positive, and guilt.

Through the magic of the internets, I came across the tumblr site, Stop Hating Your Body. And I've come to a decision about my future weight loss plans.

I'm just not going to weigh myself anymore. I'm not dealing with the numbers well. I doubt I've ever dealt with the numbers well. The only gauge I care to keep track of is not measured by weight. The numbers are bullshit in any event. According to my height, my BMI would be "normal" even if I were down to 95 pounds. Well, you know what, BMI chart? Fuck you.

For everything else I'm about to say: honest to god, I know some websites would flag things as "triggering" and divide up the triggers -- self-harm, anorexia, bulimia, all that. To the best of my self-diagnosis abilities, I have never actually suffered from an eating disorder. Maybe some relatively minor anorexic tendencies in my early 20s, some compulsive overeating here and there in times of stress, but I wouldn't call myself a sufferer. I wouldn't normally consider myself to be "triggered" by, well, anything really. Which isn't to say that I'm not at least minorly affected by certain things. But I don't count myself among those so ill as to need counseling, therapy, intervention, etc.

So I'm just going to talk about what I'm going to talk about. I don't know if any of it is triggering. To be honest, a large part of me doesn't want to devote any more brain power to ED rules, so I'm just going to be honest and see where that takes us. If you're the kind of person who can be triggered (I suppose by anything), don't bother reading on.

Celebrity crushes: Hulu edition.

I may or may not have a serious thing for Clark Kentish types. And Sarah Shahi.

Tina Fey and normative beauty [quote]

A quote to share with you about gender beauty norms and, possibly, the real implications and message of Sir Mix-a-Lot's 1992 classic, "Baby Got Back."

"But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes."

-Tina Fey, Bossypants

Nabbed from rpg.net forums.